What Is Self-Awareness & Why Is It Important?

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Have you ever stopped to wonder exactly why you do the things you do? Think back to the last time you had a really bad day. Maybe you ended up going home and eating a whole package of Oreos. And then thirty minutes later, realized eating them didn’t solve your problem or make you feel any better? Or perhaps last time you felt particularly overwhelmed, instead of starting to chip away at your to-do list, you binge-watched an entire season (or two) of a show. And when you finally turned off Netflix, felt even more overwhelmed because you just wasted hours and accomplished nothing?

If you are nodding along and thinking, “Yes. Sometimes it feels like life just happens to me and I don’t have any control over it,” I’d like to teach you a different way.

It’s called self-awareness and you’ve probably heard the word before—it’s one of those words that seems to get thrown around a lot, along with self-care and other buzzy words. But if you are ready to change some patterns in your life, it’s a term you need to get very familiar with.

The patterns you want to change don’t have to be eating junk food or your screen habits. It might be a pattern in your relationships, or the way you react to certain situations. To start making changes, you have to become self-aware. This isn’t a one-time, check-it-off-the-list type situation. It’s going to be a process, and according to author Mark Manson, there are three levels of self-awareness you need to move through.

Level 1: Choosing feeling over distraction.

We live in a world full of distractions. We carry around distractions in our pocket. If we’re bored in a grocery line or waiting room, we pull out our phones. If the conversation around us gets boring, we can tune into a different conversation online. If we get into a fight with a friend or have a bad day at work, there are endless options to forget: a new show, mind-numbing hours of Candy Crush, scrolling our favorite websites. And that’s not mentioning all the distractions that existed well before the internet: food, alcohol, and hundreds of other things can help us hide our true feelings. The first step to becoming more self-aware is to realize when we are choosing distraction instead of feeling—and then make a different choice. It’s not that you have to completely ditch your favorite distractions, but rather choosing to not let them cover up your feelings. Recognize when you are using distractions to not feel something. And then, let yourself feel that thing.

Level 2: Uncovering your feelings.

Once you’ve chosen feeling over distraction, it’s time to start figuring out what your feelings mean. Is your heart racing because you are anxious or because you are angry? Are you feeling overwhelmed or are you using your to-do list to hide the fact that you are actually terrified about taking a risk? Naming and understanding what you are feeling is crucial to the process of becoming more self-aware. When you understand your emotions, you are better able to recognize why you do the things you do.

Level 3: Recognizing your weaknesses.

As we start choosing feelings over distractions, and uncovering just what those feelings are, we can start to uncover patterns and weaknesses in ourselves. We can recognize that maybe it’s not a good idea to make decisions when we’re hungry (or before coffee). We can see that when we have a bad day at work, we bring it home. Until we understand these things about ourselves, it’s hard to know how to break bad habits and patterns.

Once you’ve moved through these three levels, the goal is to move towards accepting yourself. As you become more aware of your feelings and weaknesses, you also become more aware of how to be more empathetic and compassionate towards yourself—and others.

The journey towards self-awareness is going to take work. There’s no set amount of time at each level, and your path might be more of a winding road than a straight shot through the three levels. But once you’ve become aware of your feelings and weaknesses, you’ll have a clearer view of who you are. And this will help you be more confident, more decisive, and able to make consistent progress towards creating the life you want.

Self-awareness is a practice, something you can constantly be cultivating and improving. A few tips to try on the journey towards improving your self-awareness:

1. Think about the last stressful situation you were in. How did you respond? If you’d gone into the situation knowing it was going to be stressful, how could you have prepared yourself differently? If your last stressful situation was a tough conversation with a boss or a loved one, think about how you could have prepared yourself differently. If you’d scheduled twenty minutes to take a walk afterwards to clear your head instead of jumping straight into your next commitment, how might that have changed the experience for you?

2. Become intentional about eliminating distractions so you can pay more attention to what’s happening in the moment. Put your phone somewhere you can’t easily access it. Do you always have the television on in the background? Practice leaving it off for twenty or thirty minutes at a time and build up to longer time periods (if you really need something in the background, opt for instrumental music instead).

3. Journal. You’ll be surprised at what you can uncover by taking time to journal. If everyday journaling doesn’t appeal to you, consider trying it when you are having trouble making a decision or dealing with a stressful situation.

As you learn to cultivate self-awareness, you’ll move further down the path of creating a life you love

The Difference Between a Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

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Have you ever wondered about the difference between people who seem to always be jumping to the next challenge, constantly trying something new, doing amazing things with their lives, and those who seem kind of stuck? 

There’s one key difference at the heart of it, and that’s mindset. One of these groups has a fixed mindset and the other has a growth mindset. 

People with a fixed mindset think, “Well, it is how it is and I can’t change it, so why bother trying?” They are less likely to try new things, less likely to push out of their comfort zones, and honestly, a lot of the time, they are less fun to be around! Every new idea is met with resistance and they love to complain about how things are but don’t want to try and make them better. 

On the other hand, you have people with a growth mindset. This group of people views challenges as opportunities to grow. They might not know how to do something, but they are willing to put themselves out there and try, even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. This group thinks of themselves as lifelong learners.

Have you ever seen a news story about a seventy or eighty-year-old going back to college and graduating with a bunch of twenty-one year-olds? Those young-at-heart graduates have a growth mindset. They wanted to learn something new or they wanted to be able to say they finally got their diploma, so they went out there and did it! 


It’s never too late to try something new. It’s never too late to adjust your mindset. 

If you aren’t sure whether you have a growth or fixed mindset, use a few minutes to answer the three questions below. Getting out a pen and paper and writing down your answers is the best way to do this—you might be surprised at what comes out when you start writing.

  1. Do I feel resistance to answering these questions? If so, this may be a sign of a fixed mindset.
  2. What patterns do I have when I encounter challenging things? (For example: do you immediately start researching how to tackle a new challenge or do you try and avoid things you don’t know how to do?)
  3. When was the last time I tried something new? If you can’t remember, it’s time to make some changes!

And, you don’t have to start with something huge like going back to school. Want to learn something new? Start small—pick up a library book, download a podcast, or check your local community center to see if there is a class available. 

Keep taking those tiny steps, and before long you’ll have discovered the secret of a growth mindset—small steps can add up to big changes!

Help! I’m Afraid of Failure, But I Want an Exciting Life!

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You’ve got all the ideas, but instead of getting out there and putting them into action, you are stuck at your nine-to-five job that pays the bills. You spend your days dreaming about what life could be like—if only you weren’t terrified of failing. If this is you, I’ve got good news: having an exciting life doesn’t mean you have to quit your job, sell all your stuff, and pack up to start travelling the world today. A few small steps can move your daily daydream out of the dream world and into reality.

First: make a dream list. If you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Don’t think about practicality here, just write down all the ideas that come to mind. Have you always wanted to be an artist? A Rockette? A scuba diver? No idea is too crazy to write down—this is a dream list, so let yourself dream big. Don’t worry about constraints like money, time, or responsibilities. Just write down everything that sounds interesting to you. 

Hold onto your list for a week or two. Read through your list a few different times. Set aside thirty minutes dedicated to daydreaming or journaling about your list. Once you’ve spent some time thinking about these dreams, identify the one thing that keeps floating to the surface, an idea you just can’t get out of your mind.

Next, talk through that idea. Coaching would be a great place to do this. You could also ask a supportive friend to meet you for coffee to talk this over—or even have a coffee date with yourself and your journal. However you choose to do it, answer the following four questions:

  1. What is the thing I really want?
  2. What am I most scared of? 
  3. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
  4. What’s a small change I can make to turn that dream into a reality?

Here are two examples of what answering these questions might look like: 

  • I want to be an artist. I’m terrified my friends will laugh at me and I won’t be any good. The worst thing that can happen is I find out I’m not great—but I could take art classes to get better. If my friends laugh, maybe they weren’t that great of friends to begin with. I can’t quit my job today to pursue art full time, but I can take a class at the community center or buy some watercolors and find a YouTube tutorial.
  • I always wanted to be a Rockette. That’s the thing I dreamed of as a little girl. I really love to dance, but I gave it up because I was scared I would never be good enough to “make it.” Now I’m well past the window where I could have auditioned and given it a shot… but that doesn’t mean I can’t dance anymore. What if I signed up for a dance class at a local studio? It’s been twenty years since my last class and I’m out of shape. I don’t know if I’d be able to keep up. But… I could probably find a low-key class with other people who just want to dance for fun. Maybe it would help me get back in shape, maybe I’d meet a few friends. If I hate it, I don’t have to go back. And no, I wouldn’t be able to go audition for the Rockettes—but maybe I could audition for a local theater performance if I really want to be on stage. 

Once you’ve answered these questions, pick one step to take towards your dream. Write it down with a deadline or ask a friend to hold you accountable. Then celebrate when you buy the watercolors or sign up for the dance class. You are making progress on having a more exciting life! 

Finally, work on flipping your mindset. You can learn from failure. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to achieve your dream—it just means you have more work to do. Failure is part of the journey. The more you fail, the better you’ll get at it, and the easier it will be to pick yourself up and keep moving.  

Keep your list—once you’ve made a little progress on the first item, you might be ready to start working towards another!

An exciting life means spending time on the things you love. Taking those first steps towards your dreams can make you see everything else in your life in a new light—no packing or plane tickets required.

Understand Who You Are

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I’ve been offering coaching for a while, but I find that people are often confused about what coaching is and how it can help them. This four week blog series is designed to help you understand who I am, who YOU are, and how I can help you live the life you’ve always dreamed of.

JUMP TO OTHER POSTS IN THIS SERIES: Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4

If you are struggling to figure out what you want to do with your life and desire to create freedom and flexibility in your career, first you need to understand who you are and how you can incorporate ALL of your valuable strengths and skills into your life.

If you’ve ever…

  • Felt worried you’ll choose the wrong thing.
  • Been overwhelmed by feeling forced to figure out your entire life.
  • Thought you can only do or be ONE thing.
  • Worried about your career path and whether you can create a sustainable life you love.
  • Been frustrated by your own indecisiveness.
  • Felt misunderstood.

… then you are in the right place!

I believe that we should all be able to do what we love. But first you have to know who you are, and how to work in your strengths.

Understanding your motivations can help you uncover WHY you do what you do. Personality tests are a great way to start learning more about yourself. I recommend starting with learning your Myers-Briggs type, StrengthsFinder, and maybe even your Enneagram number.

Then, take some time to consider and journal through the following questions:

  • What are my greatest strengths?
  • What interests or desires do I keep returning to?
  • What frustrates me about my current situation?

If you are ready to dig in and do more work on identifying who you are, I offer a self-guided mini-course, My Unique Blueprint, that will walk you through exercises to help you with this process.

Writing it down is a great place to start untangling your thoughts, but sometimes an outside perspective can give the insight you need. My self-coaching guides can help you identify your personality types and show you strengths you may not have considered.

This process may take a little time. Don’t be discouraged if you take one personality test and don’t feel like you’ve made progress. You might need to take multiple assessments to unlock the understanding you are looking for. Each test reveals something a little different and you might need to sit with the results for a little while before you are ready to use them to further explore your personality and motivations. Spend some time observing yourself. Note what brings you joy and when you feel irritated or overwhelmed. Use your journal or planner to jot down what you are noticing or use an app like Mood Meter.

The time you spend getting to know yourself will be well worth it when you start to work on establishing your vision. Understanding yourself is the foundation for everything that comes next!

Meet The Coach

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I’ve been offering coaching for a while, but I find that people are often confused about what coaching is and how it can help them. This four week blog series is designed to help you understand who I am, who YOU are, and how I can help you live the life you’ve always dreamed of.

JUMP TO OTHER POSTS IN THIS SERIES: Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4

The idea of coaching can be a little intimidating. Laying out all your hopes and dreams for someone else is vulnerable and scary, and finding the right fit in a coach is important. Before we go too far into what coaching is and how it can help you, I want to be sure you know who I am and why I’m passionate about what coaching offers you.

I’m a multi-passionate creative—which means I’m interested in lots of different things. My work doesn’t follow a traditional linear career path because I want to invest in the full range of my skills, talents, and interests, instead of investing in only one area of who I am. I consider myself a Cyclical Scanner, which means I have a handful of things that I return to over and over again, like graphic design, drawing and lifelong learning.

I’m obsessed with personality profiling (My own mix includes: Enneagram 5-wing-4; INFJ; Maven + Advisor; Creator-Coach-Teacher-Architect; Explorer archetype; and Top Strengths: Learner, Input, Developer, Individualization, & Intellection). I’m big on personal development and am an avid learner, which means I read a lot of nonfiction (currently reading: Slow by Brooke McAlary). All the reading and learning I do means I’m a bit of a digital curator or “walking encyclopedia” and I love to help people find the resources they need. I spent a few years as a book blogger and independent book reviewer and have been self-employed since 2013.

A few other things to know about me: I’m a Jesus-follower, a cat person, and a stationery junkie. I love to journal but I’m not a girly-girl (you won’t find me doing anything that requires “dressing up” if I can help it!) I’m a little bit of a rebel when it comes to “shoulds” and rules that I find a bit silly.

It took me a while to find my own path because I felt like I needed to stick to traditional expectations of what a career looked like—but I never quite felt fulfilled or settled.

I started coaching because I wanted to help other multi-passionate creatives understand who they are, establish a clear vision for their lives, and start creating the flexible life they’ve always dreamed of. During this four week blog series, I’m going to share some of my favorite tips and tricks to help you on this journey.

If you are ready to jump right in, you check out my coaching guides here or join my email newsletter for monthly tips and resources.

This post contains affiliate links. Please see my Terms for more details.

Is Your Personality Permanent?

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It has long been believed that our personality does not change. But what if that isn’t true?

I love personality quizzes. I find it absolutely fascinating to see the uniqueness to each person’s individual makeup, and to hear about how their experiences have helped to shape who they are.

I recently read a book called, “Personality Isn’t Permanent” by Benjamin Hardy. In it, the author claimed that researchers are coming to see that personality is not, in fact, permanent, and that we can shape who we become through intentional choices and behaviors.

Now, I’ve always said that no one personality quiz is ever going to be able to 100% accurately describe who you are.

What I know to be true, however, is that, by taking a handful of these quizzes and then looking for the patterns among your results, you are able to get a pretty clear picture of who you are — or, at least, who you are right now.

► Don’t believe me? Check out the “My Unique Blueprint” mini-course, and test this for yourself!

I have discovered, throughout my years of inquiry and self-study, that our personality can shift and change. And my belief is that the trigger for this is our own personal growth (our environment probably plays a part, as well). Allow me to explain.

When I was younger, my personality tests would say I was a mix of INFP (Myers-Briggs) and Enneagram 9 (Had the Sparketest been around then, it might have said my primary type was Maker and my secondary was Maven).

Between 2011 and now, however, I have done a lot of personal growth work. And my quiz results now say that I am an INFJ (Myers-Briggs), and an Enneagram 5-wing-4. My Sparketypes are Maven & Advisor.

Truth be told, this change makes sense to me.

Growing up, my siblings and I lived with my mom, who is an Enneagram 9 (the peacekeeper). I also lived a very “sheltered” upbringing, and didn’t get a lot of exposure to elements of the world at large. I existed in a sort of “bubble” that consisted of family, friends, and acquaintances who all basically believed the same things, attended the same church & schools, and spoke and thought alike. As such, I feel that I displayed the personality that fit my surroundings and that I saw exemplified by my mom.

From my twenties and onward, however, I broke out of that “echo chamber”. I began to question what I’d been taught and what I believed, and I started developing my own unique perspective on the world. I also was exposed to new environments (eg. workplaces, the online sphere, entrepreneurship, etc.). And, throughout that process, I believe my personality began to shift, as well.

But here’s the interesting thing: I am starting to wonder if perhaps it isn’t so much that our personality changes. What if, more so, we aren’t getting an accurate picture of our true personality in the first place? What if, as we learn and grow over time, and as we gain more exposure to parts of the world around us, we simply become more of who we were meant to be, at our core?

The reason for my questions is that I believe God created us to be who He intended us to be. And yet, one of the goals of this life on earth is to grow… to become. So, if both of these things are true, wouldn’t it stand to reason that we only become more of who we actually are?

It would certainly make sense of why we can see a shift in a lot of our behaviors, but why certain aspects of how we behave never seem to change.

This is my theory, anyway.

What are YOUR thoughts on this? I’d love to discuss the topic with you in the comments!